Get Up Offa That Thing

So this kid's music stuff may, in fact, cause my head to explode. Like pretty much everything in a toddler's life, listening to music is an act of repetition. If Girl likes a song, she needs to hear it over and over. And over. We have taught her some sign language. Her favorite sign is "more". As in more of that song that is about to cause Daddy's head to explode. So I thought I'd go ahead and write about some of the children's musical tastes and what I deem more acceptable. Music that is not classified as kid's music. No Laurie Berkner. No Hot Peas 'N Butter. No Charlie Pickles.

Heavy Metal. First of all, I don't want to get into any kind of debate as to what Heavy Metal is or isn't so I'll give a few examples of what I mean. AC/DC "Back in Black". Ozzy Osbourne "Crazy Train". Black Sabbath "Iron Man". This is the stuff to crank when you're looking to start the living room dance party. Girl is more of a head banger. I think it's because of the long hair. It gets good and messy as she swings her head forward and backwards. Boy breaks out the moves to make James Brown smile down from the heavens. Suddenly he's in just underwear and it's all hips and arms. He's all about shaking the moneymaker. Very jerky, but effective. They both seem to have great rhythm with the metal.

The singer/songwriters. First, Johnny Cash. Sure, his themes are more about "drinking in the morning" and "hoppin' a train to run from the law" rather than "pockets full of sunshine" and "rain boots for puddle splashing" but the spirit behind his songs are the same as the spirit behind the kid's music. Simple chords and songs to sing along to. Next, The Beatles. Classic melodies. Great car music. Bright, upbeat, fun. So what if Sir Paul smoked a j in the bathroom of Buckingham Palace before he met the queen. The kids don't know this. This genre is Boy's kind of music. He loves to sing along. Also of note: Ben Harper, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Presley (although "Burning Love" tends to fit into the dance party mix).

Latin and world music. Here is where Girl's musical tastes lie. I have absolutely no clue where this comes from, but she loves this stuff. When that iPod commercial that used the song "Mi Swing Es Tropical" by Quantic & Nickodemus (yes, I had to look that up) would come on the TV the world would stop. Girl would freeze whatever she was doing and turn to face the TV and point. Even Elmo would get dropped mid-tickle. A side to side dance would occur. The commercial would end. She would yell at me and sign "more". These kids are never gonna know a world without Tivo, so they know I can rewind it and play it again. Over and over.

Dance music. When Boy was younger it was all about the Vengaboys "We Like the Party". You may remember this song from the Six Flags commercial with the creepy old dude. For Girl it's all about "I Like to Move It". Especially at the end of the movie Madagascar. She gets completely sucked into the rhythm. I like to move it move it. I like to move it move it. I like to (long pause inserted here) move it. Both Girl and Boy have the timing down perfectly on the pause before the chorus' final move it. We all sing it together. Dance dance dance pause dance.

Punk. At the end of the movie "Over the Hedge" Ben Folds does a version of "Lost in the Supermarket" which is also on "London Calling" by the Clash. Punk is a perfect fit for Boy where Daddy represents "THE MAN" and forcing him to put his pants on is what's "KEEPING HIM DOWN".

Finally, funk and soul. James Brown already got a mention earlier. Put The Hardest Working Man in Show Business on and Boy channels the Godfather's footwork. I'm thinking of getting him a velvet and satin robe so I can cover him up when he gets too tired and walk him up to bed. Only for him to throw the robe off, sit on the couch and demand we watch "Mythbusters".

Sure, there's a place for Raffi. Just not when I'm around. Why punish yourself when the kids don't know any better as to whether or not the music is meant for them. Plus, by the time they are teenagers they'll be much cooler to their friends with their musical knowledge. Isn't that what it's all about? Who am I kidding? By then it will be old man Daddy's music.

I'm not exactly lovin' it

There are certain things that are so iconic that even a 4-year old knows their meaning. At least the meaning that they have assigned said icon. We're completely inundated with commercials, it's hard not to pick up on these things. Driving down the road, Boy has always had the ability to spot a Dunkin' Donuts from miles away. It's either stop or deal with the wrath of whine from Boy not getting his donut. But who doesn't love a donut every now and then? I just don't like having to change my driving routes to avoid the whine.

Which brings me to the Golden Arches. They are everywhere. We all have our own individual feeling towards them. Me? I think of fries. Fries good. Boy? He thinks differently. We pass a set of arches while driving the other day. "That's McDonald's. I don't like McDonald's. I don't like the clown." It's just that simple.