from the wilderness archive

Here's a good story. So 2 days ago (actually, it was 2 years ago, I just never posted this anywhere and I came across it in my email and it made me laugh), there is clearly a skunk in the neighborhood. I was away from home for the night with Boy. Mommy smelled it in the air. It had clearly sprayed in the yard. Nobody thinks too much of it, just that it sucked. So yesterday morning, Mommy and her parents (who were in town visiting the just born Girl) are leaving the house to run errands at about 9. Mommy calls me to say they see the skunk roaming about in the back yard and could I deal with it. Wildlife apparently falls under my jurisdiction. This is bad. Skunks don't come out during the day, only at night and dawn. He's nosing around in the garden, then in the sand box Mommy tells me. Great. I get to come home with Boy to deal with this. Poor timing. I stop at the garden center and pick up some fox urine. It's a skunk's natural predator, but really, it doesn't do anything. Anyway, I'm putting the urine out in the yard in tiny little bottles when I see the tail. It's just a little feller. He's wedged in between the little rock wall in our backyard and a large pot we grow tomatoes in. I was a couple feet away. After a pause, I take off running. No chase. Thank god. Then I wasn't sure why he didn't move so I went back a little closer. He seems a little off in the head. There are flies buzzing around him. Big flies. I poke in the area with a long stick. He doesn't move. It could have been a cartoonish scene if he all of the sudden jumped up, but nothing. I think to myself that Costco probably has giant cans of tomato juice just in case. I love Costco. I call the police, who are somewhat helpful on the phone, but they do nothing. They give me the number of some guy from some licensed wildlife company. I get him on the phone. He says he can get rid of it. $100 cash. Cash? Trying to avoid paperwork. He says he'll call back when he's on his way. Fine. Couple hours later he calls to say he's on his way. It sounds like he's at a BBQ or pool party or something. I run out back to see if the critter is still there. Yup. Tail sticking up. Come on over, make it snappy. While I'm waiting for this dude, I go to watch the area. The skunk shuffles his way back a few steps, then falls over on his side. Flies buzzing. A pickup truck pulls up. Big dude gets out. I show him the scene. He goes over to the fence. Where is it? Turn around I say. He turns around and makes a wincing face. Oooooowwww. Without skipping a beat he bends down and picks the thing up by the tail and starts heading towards me on the deck. Did I mention I stayed on the deck? At that very moment Boy comes out the back door in his underwear. Seriously, no pants. Is the skunk sick?, he asks. Yes, Boy, the skunk is sick. The man is going to take him to the doctor. The thing had clearly died when I saw it fall over. He has some foam around his mouth. The dude says something about rabies or distemper and to look out, cause these things sometimes have a family. Rabid animals will attack. Super. Thanks for that. He takes the thing out front and asks for a garbage bag. I bring a large garbage bag out front and open it as if I'm looking to help. I'm not. He takes the bag and says he better do it as he's up on his shots. I did not argue, as I'm not really sure what kind of shots I would have needed to get to have been helpful. Not to mention, that's one of the benefits of a paid service. You really don't have to assist. As he's dropping the animal in the bag, Boy, of course in his underwear, is standing in the picture window out front of our house watching. The man take the sick skunk to the doctor? Yes, Boy, the man take the sick skunk to the doctor. I slip the man a benjamin. Best money I ever spent. I just paid a man (that the town referred me to) cash to remove a dead rabid skunk that had fallen dead on my patio. I then went and hosed off the area. Oh, and I got a quote for the groundhog we have digging up the yard. $275 to trap and dispose. $100 to just dispose if I catch him. He says they are tough to catch, you need special traps, says I might get lucky though. I think I've decided I like having him around.