Luke, I am your father

I am a man. Therefore I urinate standing up. I usually go to the bathroom first thing in the morning. I get up, I walk into the bathroom and I go. Kids mean zero privacy. Zero shame. Zero pride. I can't tell you how many times I'll be at the toilet, the door bursts open and Boy comes running in with his pajamas at his feet, saying, "I want to go to the potty with you". I have no choice. It happens so quickly. I'm not the most alert first thing in the morning. The next thing I know, he's standing next to me at the toilet going with me. Streams crossing. What bothers me the most is that he usually finishes before me and says things like "I beat you". It's bad enough I get no privacy in the bathroom, but why does it always have to be a competition?